Well, I had a fucking awesome time at Sheliah Winn last night. Soo much fun. Especially going to Davis Trading, and laughing at all their bizarre food, like vine leaves in ridiculous quantities and mud fish in a jar and this weird 'lolly' that was actually like a birdseed pancake; and walking to Subway and Downtown and having some lols and NOT getting raped; and laughing at the funny performances, and the shitty ones; and winning a pretty neat-o award. And I was only on stage for like half of our piece. The Taming of the Shrew is always going to be special to me now. Act III, scene II. And the character of Katherine.
Now I have to get organised and get everything sorted to go to Dunedin in Spetember for NSSP - National Shakespeare Schools Production. And I might be able to stay with my cousin in Christchurch on the way home!
I got the coolest presents from Lauren and Keryn from France. Lauren got me a fancy French magic pen, which is ridiculously clever, and more awesome than Twink. Like! And Keryn got me the French version of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, which is facsinating. And I can read it all prety much, because even though some of it I don't understand, I know the book so well that I can just guess my way through it. And I have an English copy to compare to. It's funny how all the puns have to be explained, because they don't make any sense in French. It's got little footnotes, explaining them. It's really funny. Like very much!
And that's all that I can really be bothered saying. Tootle-pip for now!
Today's Quote: "Exit, pursued by a bear." -William Shakespeare (stage direction in The Winter's Tale)
Tuesday, April 27
Saturday, April 24
Awesome Song. Next Item of Business? Fuck It.
My boy builds coffins with hammers and nails
He doesn't build ships, he has no use for sails
He doesn't make tables, dressers or chairs
He can't carve a whistle cause he just doesn't care
My boy builds coffins for the rich and the poor
Kings and queens, they've all knocked on his door
Beggars and liars, gypsies and thieves
They all come to him cause he's so eager to please
My boy builds coffins for better or worse
Some say it's a blessing, some say it's a curse
He fits them together in sunshine or rain
Each one is unique, no two are the same
My boy builds coffins and I think it's a shame
That when each ones been made, he can't see it again
He crafts every one with love and with care
Then it's thrown in the ground, it just isn't fair
My boy builds coffins, he makes them all day
But it's not just for work and it isn't for play
He's made one for himself
One for me too
One of these days he'll make one for you
Fuck it! Stop that. Making me feel all wibbly-wobbly guilty. RAWR! Don't! Don't do that!
Fuck it. I'm going. NOW.
Back to the womb...
Once A Free Bird.
He doesn't build ships, he has no use for sails
He doesn't make tables, dressers or chairs
He can't carve a whistle cause he just doesn't care
My boy builds coffins for the rich and the poor
Kings and queens, they've all knocked on his door
Beggars and liars, gypsies and thieves
They all come to him cause he's so eager to please
My boy builds coffins for better or worse
Some say it's a blessing, some say it's a curse
He fits them together in sunshine or rain
Each one is unique, no two are the same
My boy builds coffins and I think it's a shame
That when each ones been made, he can't see it again
He crafts every one with love and with care
Then it's thrown in the ground, it just isn't fair
My boy builds coffins, he makes them all day
But it's not just for work and it isn't for play
He's made one for himself
One for me too
One of these days he'll make one for you
Fuck it! Stop that. Making me feel all wibbly-wobbly guilty. RAWR! Don't! Don't do that!
Fuck it. I'm going. NOW.
Back to the womb...
Once A Free Bird.
Friday, April 23
Oops.
Um, well, I'm not nuts. I'm just wired differently. And when I wanna say something, but I don't want to come out and say it, I get a little metaphorical, a little oblique. I don't even understand it half the time. Sorry, it must be annoying.
Um, well, I should go and do my stupid History assignment now. Or maybe have some lunch. I didn't have any breakfast, so lunch is probably a good move. Lunch, then assignment.
Today's Quote: "A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?" -Albert Einstein
Um, well, I should go and do my stupid History assignment now. Or maybe have some lunch. I didn't have any breakfast, so lunch is probably a good move. Lunch, then assignment.
Today's Quote: "A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?" -Albert Einstein
Thursday, April 22
Oh Heeeeell
Dammit that Ugly Shakespeare performance was hilarious. Just seriously freaking hilarious!!
I am so sick of hearing your boring stupid stories! Seriously! No-one cares! Keep them to yourself, please, because I am sick of hearing from you! For Bog's sake just - just - just no. Okay? Just no. Please.
Yay for movies at school! Angela's Ashes is so far very - well, not exactly enjoyable, but very good. And Romeo + Juliet is good, even though I'm not a fan of the modernisation whilst keeping the Shakespearian language.
Man, it's cold! Boo!!
Oh great. Here comes the hounds. I am soo looking foward to the tales. Oh yes. Because I love being made to feel stupid. No, really, go on, you're not being insensitive at all. Please continue.
I can predict the future.
Well, at least the ridiculous farce of French class is over. Although, I managed to complete a 12905 and read like 50 pages of my book. King Rat, by China Mieville (who is actually a tough-looking bald guy, with lots of rings in his ear, who doesn't look like a writer. He looks a hell of a lot tougher and scarier than he sounds. His name sounds like a hippie gypsy chick, which he certainly isn't). It is a freaking awesome book. Read it. Even the lagnuage used is awesome. It's pretty unusual - the whole book, not just the language - but it is soo good.
"Piper-man fucker better steel himself for some animal magic."
This sentence is quite awesome to say aloud. xD
Oh, you know the insects with stabby penises that I was talking about yesterday? Find a better explantion (with dinosaurs!) here:
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1604
Some people are awesome. These people are rare and when you find one, you should lasso them and never, ever let them escape because they are pure sawesome. As in, super-awesome. It's a portmanteau. My sawesome person knows all about portmanteaus because I told them about them. And told them how to spell the word, 'portmanteau'.
Sawesome people are sawesome. Not sawesome people are not.
Today's Quote: "An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows." -Dwight D. Eisenhower
I am so sick of hearing your boring stupid stories! Seriously! No-one cares! Keep them to yourself, please, because I am sick of hearing from you! For Bog's sake just - just - just no. Okay? Just no. Please.
Yay for movies at school! Angela's Ashes is so far very - well, not exactly enjoyable, but very good. And Romeo + Juliet is good, even though I'm not a fan of the modernisation whilst keeping the Shakespearian language.
Man, it's cold! Boo!!
Oh great. Here comes the hounds. I am soo looking foward to the tales. Oh yes. Because I love being made to feel stupid. No, really, go on, you're not being insensitive at all. Please continue.
I can predict the future.
Well, at least the ridiculous farce of French class is over. Although, I managed to complete a 12905 and read like 50 pages of my book. King Rat, by China Mieville (who is actually a tough-looking bald guy, with lots of rings in his ear, who doesn't look like a writer. He looks a hell of a lot tougher and scarier than he sounds. His name sounds like a hippie gypsy chick, which he certainly isn't). It is a freaking awesome book. Read it. Even the lagnuage used is awesome. It's pretty unusual - the whole book, not just the language - but it is soo good.
"Piper-man fucker better steel himself for some animal magic."
This sentence is quite awesome to say aloud. xD
Oh, you know the insects with stabby penises that I was talking about yesterday? Find a better explantion (with dinosaurs!) here:
http://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=1604
Some people are awesome. These people are rare and when you find one, you should lasso them and never, ever let them escape because they are pure sawesome. As in, super-awesome. It's a portmanteau. My sawesome person knows all about portmanteaus because I told them about them. And told them how to spell the word, 'portmanteau'.
Sawesome people are sawesome. Not sawesome people are not.
Today's Quote: "An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows." -Dwight D. Eisenhower
Tuesday, April 20
Still Bored
Nah, I can't be bothered.
Really there is nothing to say right now.
I have pins and needles.
Well, there is that.
I'm gutted I missed my free lunch. But Sheliah Winn is going well, it's better now that we don't have rehearsals all the time. That was annoying.
Today's Quote: "Everything you can imagine is real." -Pablo Picasso
Really there is nothing to say right now.
I have pins and needles.
Well, there is that.
I'm gutted I missed my free lunch. But Sheliah Winn is going well, it's better now that we don't have rehearsals all the time. That was annoying.
Today's Quote: "Everything you can imagine is real." -Pablo Picasso
Sunday, April 18
Drifting
Well, first day back of school. Nothing overly interesting happened. Well, I got my Commedia assessment mark back in Drama - an Excellence, which I was hoping for. Good start. Maths sucked - I don't understand half of what comes out of Mrs North's mouth, and I get worried thinking that I won't be able to pass my exams. Because I'm terrified of failure. French sucked too - God, what is the point? It's just another fucking reminder.
You know, I don't even know why I bother with a bloggie. Nothing in my life is overly interesting.
Ho hum, sometimes I feel as if nothing interesting ever happens in my life. I mean, I don't really do anything. I concentrate on my schoolwork. That's it. Sure, I have mates, but I don't see them very often outside of school. I don't really have any hobbies. I do the occasional thing, like Sheliah Winn, or production, but that doesn't last very long. Really, there's not a lot happening in my life. I sort of...drift. Yeah, drift. What am I aiming towards? What am I doing?
What is my purpose in life?
What is the meaning of life?
Oh heeeeell, I'm getting all deep and philosophical.
Seriously though, all I do is concentrate on school. I guess I'm hoping that I'll go through university and get an awesome job as a lecturer/professor, and then I'll be able to jetset round the world, and expand my tiny universe, and hopefully eventually I'll have a family. Until then, well, I'll just sit here in front of the computer viewing the same old websites and I'll read some old books and listen to some old music and watch old episodes of The Simpsons and eat the same meal every night and wear the same clothes everyday and crack the same jokes every lunchtime and get the same marks every assignment and think the same thoughts every night.
God, what am I doing?
Okay, so if you know there's a problem, great. But what happens if you've got no fucking idea how to fix it?
Today's Quote: "To die would be an awfully big adventure." -JM Barrie (Pater Pan)
You know, I don't even know why I bother with a bloggie. Nothing in my life is overly interesting.
Ho hum, sometimes I feel as if nothing interesting ever happens in my life. I mean, I don't really do anything. I concentrate on my schoolwork. That's it. Sure, I have mates, but I don't see them very often outside of school. I don't really have any hobbies. I do the occasional thing, like Sheliah Winn, or production, but that doesn't last very long. Really, there's not a lot happening in my life. I sort of...drift. Yeah, drift. What am I aiming towards? What am I doing?
What is my purpose in life?
What is the meaning of life?
Oh heeeeell, I'm getting all deep and philosophical.
Seriously though, all I do is concentrate on school. I guess I'm hoping that I'll go through university and get an awesome job as a lecturer/professor, and then I'll be able to jetset round the world, and expand my tiny universe, and hopefully eventually I'll have a family. Until then, well, I'll just sit here in front of the computer viewing the same old websites and I'll read some old books and listen to some old music and watch old episodes of The Simpsons and eat the same meal every night and wear the same clothes everyday and crack the same jokes every lunchtime and get the same marks every assignment and think the same thoughts every night.
God, what am I doing?
Okay, so if you know there's a problem, great. But what happens if you've got no fucking idea how to fix it?
Today's Quote: "To die would be an awfully big adventure." -JM Barrie (Pater Pan)
Thursday, April 15
Woot.
I just posted part five of Family Portrait and now I feel clever. It's been like 2 months since my last post, so I feel very relieved. That would have been the end, but I was so inspired that I wrote and epilogue. Go me! Well, I actually wrote the epilogue cuz I didn't like the ending I'd written. :P
It's my cousin's birthday today. I really wish I could be in Chch with her. I miss her soo much. It's not fair.
My life is soo boring. It really is. Oh well, going to Izark's today, should be good.
Haha Cornflaggen rang me last night. I knew it was gonna be her so I answered the phone with 'Speak and be recognised, O Mortal'. She thought it was weird. xD Then a friend of Mum's rang up, and I answered the phone with my line about Rent-A-Ninja. I've decided that whenever I answer the phone, I'll do it with something ridiculous. It's like my training in not caring what people think and having the guts to do what I want!
When Jessica asked where Iz's house is, I told her that I thought it was Seddon Street, and that I was pretty sure there was a trampoline in the front. To clarify, I told her that there was a path going up to the front door and a tree.
Yeah, I'm useless.
Yeeeeeeah.
I wanto to see Midnight Cowboy. Apparantly it's very very cool. And The Deer Hunter. Looks intense. Old movies for the win.
I'd better go get dressed. I'm supposed to be at Iz's in half an hour, and I have to walk there.
Today's Quote: "Even writers need relief from words." -Sarah Vowell
It's my cousin's birthday today. I really wish I could be in Chch with her. I miss her soo much. It's not fair.
My life is soo boring. It really is. Oh well, going to Izark's today, should be good.
Haha Cornflaggen rang me last night. I knew it was gonna be her so I answered the phone with 'Speak and be recognised, O Mortal'. She thought it was weird. xD Then a friend of Mum's rang up, and I answered the phone with my line about Rent-A-Ninja. I've decided that whenever I answer the phone, I'll do it with something ridiculous. It's like my training in not caring what people think and having the guts to do what I want!
When Jessica asked where Iz's house is, I told her that I thought it was Seddon Street, and that I was pretty sure there was a trampoline in the front. To clarify, I told her that there was a path going up to the front door and a tree.
Yeah, I'm useless.
Yeeeeeeah.
I wanto to see Midnight Cowboy. Apparantly it's very very cool. And The Deer Hunter. Looks intense. Old movies for the win.
I'd better go get dressed. I'm supposed to be at Iz's in half an hour, and I have to walk there.
Today's Quote: "Even writers need relief from words." -Sarah Vowell
Friday, April 9
Life, The Universe and Everything
This is my 42nd post! This post contains The Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything.
Actually, it just contains more of my blahblahblah-ing. Sorry to disappoint you guys.
Criminal Minds tomorrow...I am very excited, I freaking love this show. If you don't watch it - you really really really should. Really.
Ooh! I just found out today that Hole are releasing a new album!! Nobody's Daughter is coming out sometime this month and I am going to get it. Woot!
Today we went over to Nan and Pop's house to meet Mum's cousin Simon and his family. It was awkward. Meeting stranger relatives/relative strangers always is. Simon and his wife have three kids - a girl called Caldonia who's my age, and then two other girls who are like eight and six or something called Sabine and Romi. Weird names, right? They live in Aussie. You can tell as soon as they open their mouths. We weren't there for very long, Dad took us home while Mum took them to see the windmills. Boring.
I've nearly finished Family Portrait. The end is nigh - FINALLY! Just recently there's been a sudden influx of people adding it to favs/alerts, so hopefully the last part will get a good response - I think this fic already has my highest number of reviews, but I'd have to check that. It's either that or Holidays, which is one of my favourites.
Not much else to say. I am soo boring.
Today's Quote: "Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face." -Dave Barry
Actually, it just contains more of my blahblahblah-ing. Sorry to disappoint you guys.
Criminal Minds tomorrow...I am very excited, I freaking love this show. If you don't watch it - you really really really should. Really.
Ooh! I just found out today that Hole are releasing a new album!! Nobody's Daughter is coming out sometime this month and I am going to get it. Woot!
Today we went over to Nan and Pop's house to meet Mum's cousin Simon and his family. It was awkward. Meeting stranger relatives/relative strangers always is. Simon and his wife have three kids - a girl called Caldonia who's my age, and then two other girls who are like eight and six or something called Sabine and Romi. Weird names, right? They live in Aussie. You can tell as soon as they open their mouths. We weren't there for very long, Dad took us home while Mum took them to see the windmills. Boring.
I've nearly finished Family Portrait. The end is nigh - FINALLY! Just recently there's been a sudden influx of people adding it to favs/alerts, so hopefully the last part will get a good response - I think this fic already has my highest number of reviews, but I'd have to check that. It's either that or Holidays, which is one of my favourites.
Not much else to say. I am soo boring.
Today's Quote: "Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face." -Dave Barry
Tuesday, April 6
Wormies!!
We went to minigolf today.
I did not win.
I came 3rd after Poppa and Nana.
Nah, it's okay, I suck at minigolf, I know.
Ten-pin bowling is my talent :P
"One day, you are going to be President of Idaho. Everyone taller than you will be fed to wolves."
You know what I'm sick of?? Vampires. Seriously.
And that ad for the Rugby World Cup, with that song. I've heard it so many times already, and it's not even till 2011!!
I love Last.fm. It's a good way to find new music... Started listening to a whole lot of stuff by Aleka's Attic and Help She Can't Swim. Oh yeah, indie music for the win.
OMGOMGOMG!!
Criminal Minds is coming back at long last!! I'll finally get to see what happens to Hotch!!
BUT...
It's moving times!! It's now on Sunday at 8.30pm...at the same time as Bones! Whatever shall I do??
Maybe I can tape Bones and watch it on Saturday night, when there's nothing on. Yeah, that sounds like a plan.
Bleurgh. We had crumbed chicken sausages for dinner. I hate sausages, and I hate schnitzel, and these were like sausages and schnitzel mixed together. YUCK!!
Malcolm in the Middle is so funny. Escpecially the realy old episodes. Francis is so funny.
"Don't you worry, son, those are just lies I told to get prescription drugs!"
Today's Quote: "A psycho with a whistle...that's not too weird..." -Reid (Criminal Minds)
I did not win.
I came 3rd after Poppa and Nana.
Nah, it's okay, I suck at minigolf, I know.
Ten-pin bowling is my talent :P
"One day, you are going to be President of Idaho. Everyone taller than you will be fed to wolves."
You know what I'm sick of?? Vampires. Seriously.
And that ad for the Rugby World Cup, with that song. I've heard it so many times already, and it's not even till 2011!!
I love Last.fm. It's a good way to find new music... Started listening to a whole lot of stuff by Aleka's Attic and Help She Can't Swim. Oh yeah, indie music for the win.
OMGOMGOMG!!
Criminal Minds is coming back at long last!! I'll finally get to see what happens to Hotch!!
BUT...
It's moving times!! It's now on Sunday at 8.30pm...at the same time as Bones! Whatever shall I do??
Maybe I can tape Bones and watch it on Saturday night, when there's nothing on. Yeah, that sounds like a plan.
Bleurgh. We had crumbed chicken sausages for dinner. I hate sausages, and I hate schnitzel, and these were like sausages and schnitzel mixed together. YUCK!!
Malcolm in the Middle is so funny. Escpecially the realy old episodes. Francis is so funny.
"Don't you worry, son, those are just lies I told to get prescription drugs!"
Today's Quote: "A psycho with a whistle...that's not too weird..." -Reid (Criminal Minds)
Monday, April 5
“Never love a wild thing, Mr. Bell … that was Doc’s mistake. He was always lugging home wild things. A hawk with a hurt wing. One time it was a full-grown bobcat with a broken leg. But you can’t give your heart to a wild thing: the more you do, the stronger they get. Until they’re strong enough to run into the woods. Or fly into a tree. Then a taller tree. Then the sky. That’s how you’ll end up, Mr. Bell. If you let yourself love a wild thing. You’ll end up looking at the sky.”
- Holly, Breakfast At Tiffany's, written by Truman Capote
- Holly, Breakfast At Tiffany's, written by Truman Capote
Sunday, April 4
Futterwakken!!
We went to the Plaza today. I got fudge. :D
Holidays are so boring. There's stuff I need to do - finish Doctor Zhivago, finish my CM fic (it's been too long!!), start my Piper story (I'm in a good mindset for that at the moment, I should make the most of it) - but I'm just soo unmotivated. Nygh.
I want a new scarf. And some new hobo gloves. And you know what else I want?? A Mad Hatter t-shirt. And a Cat in the Hat hoodie. From JayJays. Oh, and I need some more winter clothes, I'm going to freeze at this rate, all I've got is some very thin cardigans.
Today's Quote: "The reason lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place is that the same place isn't there the second time." -Willie Tyler
Holidays are so boring. There's stuff I need to do - finish Doctor Zhivago, finish my CM fic (it's been too long!!), start my Piper story (I'm in a good mindset for that at the moment, I should make the most of it) - but I'm just soo unmotivated. Nygh.
I want a new scarf. And some new hobo gloves. And you know what else I want?? A Mad Hatter t-shirt. And a Cat in the Hat hoodie. From JayJays. Oh, and I need some more winter clothes, I'm going to freeze at this rate, all I've got is some very thin cardigans.
Today's Quote: "The reason lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place is that the same place isn't there the second time." -Willie Tyler
Friday, April 2
"Hey, I'm starting to feel okay / Lucky number nine, hooray."
Bob Dylan and JD Salinger are geniuses. They have healing powers. Best of Dylan and The Catcher in the Rye are magical instant improve-everything pieces of awesome.
Ew! Dad sprayed flyspray and I'm being gassed to death! Heeeelp meeeeee...
Ew! Dad sprayed flyspray and I'm being gassed to death! Heeeelp meeeeee...
I just need some time. Please, let me sort all this shit out in my head. I feel like I'm just going to drown in all of this. Let me have these two weeks to get it all together, put it behind me, come to terms with it, lock it away, burn it off, forget about it, accept it, get distracted from it, anything. Just let me be like this for awhile. Let me be fragile. Please.
Giving it all away
You're going to wake up someone
Study it all
The wings, they crowd your face
You're going to end up like one
Trouble at home
Travel away you say
The road don't like me
Travel it all away
The road's going to end on me
Stand on my feet
Danced the warrior
Where would I be?
I'd be a warrior
Now the strangers have caught on
And they're riding in the back seat
The river's going to wash all
Yeah, the river, it spoke to me
It told me I'm small
And I swallowed it down
If I make it at all
Trouble at home
Travel away, you say
The road don't like me
Travel it all away
The road's going to get all me
Like a warrior
Danced the warrior
Giving it all away
You're going to wake up someone
Study it all
The wings, they crowd your face
You're going to end up like one
Trouble at home
Travel away you say
The road don't like me
Travel it all away
The road's going to end on me
Stand on my feet
Danced the warrior
Where would I be?
I'd be a warrior
Now the strangers have caught on
And they're riding in the back seat
The river's going to wash all
Yeah, the river, it spoke to me
It told me I'm small
And I swallowed it down
If I make it at all
Trouble at home
Travel away, you say
The road don't like me
Travel it all away
The road's going to get all me
Like a warrior
Danced the warrior
Thursday, April 1
Забыли все уважают. Рад, что вы ушли.
I woke up on Thursday morning happier than I've been in a while. A long while. Then I remembered something that started me off on the slide downwards, which everyone saw the result of at interval.
I was really happy that everyone seemed to have remembered and taken notice of the same thing, and were doing their best to make me feel better. One person in particular.
Turns out, it was all bullshit. They weren't thinking of me at all. That's cool, guys, I'm used to it. Nice of you to tell me what was actually going on though. You know how I really hate being kept in the dark. Oh wait. Not one of you fucking bothered. Didn't you think I should have been informed? Nah, you thought it'd be cool to make oblique hints that could have been about anything, which I thought was about something entirely different. FINALLY someone bothered to fill me in.
Fast slow living is holding me back
Wishing that my baby never told me that
Can't even cope to make it last
Then it passed me by
I wish people were always the same as they were when you first met them. Isn't that awful when someone you thought you know turns out to be something completely different? You feel lied to, even if they don't see it that way.
You know something worse? 'I was gonna tell you'. Someone that you trust tells you that and that illusion if gone, just fucking gone. Along with everything you thought that you knew about that person. Down the fucking drain and you're left without even a clue of who they are.
And you wanted it, wanted it, wanted it again
My dear you've been used
I'm breaking in the news
And as for the person who thinks that they're being noble when they're actually just being a vindictive, inconsiderate ASSHOLE. Well, there I was thinking you were alright. Nope, back to the first impression. You make me sick. I could hardly look at you. I mean, for FUCK'S SAKE, what the fuck is wrong with you? Are you seriously that awful? I didn't believe you were. More fool me.
Lost all reason for playing your games
Better quit staring because you're looking the same
Can't even cope to make a change
Then it passed me by
I thank fuck for the small number of decent people on this earth. Even if they won't say anything, you know it's because of their decency and you know that they actually do care about you and how you feel and how you feel about something that's happened. Especially when everybody else cares more about some fucking act of utter stupidity than the best day of your life, or your utter disappointment and feelings of abandonement.
And those who don't know anything about what's happened, and you didn't like them that much,
but now you realise that they are truly decent because they wanted to cheer you up without any ulterior motives, without any false empathy - you know this because they were under no obligation to make you feel good, they have nothing to do with you except for that one class, but they decided that they cared and they helped, fuck they helped so much. I fucking wish that I could have sat in History all fucking day.
And to those who understand without understanding. They know nothing as you refuse to tell them. But they understand the feelings and they know that you didn't mean it. They offer a shoulder without prying. They almost make you fucking cry in the goddamn corridor with their goodness.
And we'll take it over
And make it mine
Use me up, use me up
Taper off and I'm moonlight
Fuck. I just...don't even know...I've lost almost all my respect. And I...feel sick at the thought...just...don't touch me. Don't fucking touch me.
I was really happy that everyone seemed to have remembered and taken notice of the same thing, and were doing their best to make me feel better. One person in particular.
Turns out, it was all bullshit. They weren't thinking of me at all. That's cool, guys, I'm used to it. Nice of you to tell me what was actually going on though. You know how I really hate being kept in the dark. Oh wait. Not one of you fucking bothered. Didn't you think I should have been informed? Nah, you thought it'd be cool to make oblique hints that could have been about anything, which I thought was about something entirely different. FINALLY someone bothered to fill me in.
Fast slow living is holding me back
Wishing that my baby never told me that
Can't even cope to make it last
Then it passed me by
I wish people were always the same as they were when you first met them. Isn't that awful when someone you thought you know turns out to be something completely different? You feel lied to, even if they don't see it that way.
You know something worse? 'I was gonna tell you'. Someone that you trust tells you that and that illusion if gone, just fucking gone. Along with everything you thought that you knew about that person. Down the fucking drain and you're left without even a clue of who they are.
And you wanted it, wanted it, wanted it again
My dear you've been used
I'm breaking in the news
And as for the person who thinks that they're being noble when they're actually just being a vindictive, inconsiderate ASSHOLE. Well, there I was thinking you were alright. Nope, back to the first impression. You make me sick. I could hardly look at you. I mean, for FUCK'S SAKE, what the fuck is wrong with you? Are you seriously that awful? I didn't believe you were. More fool me.
Lost all reason for playing your games
Better quit staring because you're looking the same
Can't even cope to make a change
Then it passed me by
I thank fuck for the small number of decent people on this earth. Even if they won't say anything, you know it's because of their decency and you know that they actually do care about you and how you feel and how you feel about something that's happened. Especially when everybody else cares more about some fucking act of utter stupidity than the best day of your life, or your utter disappointment and feelings of abandonement.
And those who don't know anything about what's happened, and you didn't like them that much,
but now you realise that they are truly decent because they wanted to cheer you up without any ulterior motives, without any false empathy - you know this because they were under no obligation to make you feel good, they have nothing to do with you except for that one class, but they decided that they cared and they helped, fuck they helped so much. I fucking wish that I could have sat in History all fucking day.
And to those who understand without understanding. They know nothing as you refuse to tell them. But they understand the feelings and they know that you didn't mean it. They offer a shoulder without prying. They almost make you fucking cry in the goddamn corridor with their goodness.
And we'll take it over
And make it mine
Use me up, use me up
Taper off and I'm moonlight
Fuck. I just...don't even know...I've lost almost all my respect. And I...feel sick at the thought...just...don't touch me. Don't fucking touch me.
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