Забыли все уважают. Рад, что вы ушли.

I woke up on Thursday morning happier than I've been in a while. A long while. Then I remembered something that started me off on the slide downwards, which everyone saw the result of at interval.

I was really happy that everyone seemed to have remembered and taken notice of the same thing, and were doing their best to make me feel better. One person in particular.

Turns out, it was all bullshit. They weren't thinking of me at all. That's cool, guys, I'm used to it. Nice of you to tell me what was actually going on though. You know how I really hate being kept in the dark. Oh wait. Not one of you fucking bothered. Didn't you think I should have been informed? Nah, you thought it'd be cool to make oblique hints that could have been about anything, which I thought was about something entirely different. FINALLY someone bothered to fill me in.

Fast slow living is holding me back
Wishing that my baby never told me that
Can't even cope to make it last
Then it passed me by

I wish people were always the same as they were when you first met them. Isn't that awful when someone you thought you know turns out to be something completely different? You feel lied to, even if they don't see it that way.

You know something worse? 'I was gonna tell you'. Someone that you trust tells you that and that illusion if gone, just fucking gone. Along with everything you thought that you knew about that person. Down the fucking drain and you're left without even a clue of who they are.

And you wanted it, wanted it, wanted it again
My dear you've been used
I'm breaking in the news

And as for the person who thinks that they're being noble when they're actually just being a vindictive, inconsiderate ASSHOLE. Well, there I was thinking you were alright. Nope, back to the first impression. You make me sick. I could hardly look at you. I mean, for FUCK'S SAKE, what the fuck is wrong with you? Are you seriously that awful? I didn't believe you were. More fool me.

Lost all reason for playing your games
Better quit staring because you're looking the same
Can't even cope to make a change
Then it passed me by

I thank fuck for the small number of decent people on this earth. Even if they won't say anything, you know it's because of their decency and you know that they actually do care about you and how you feel and how you feel about something that's happened. Especially when everybody else cares more about some fucking act of utter stupidity than the best day of your life, or your utter disappointment and feelings of abandonement.

And those who don't know anything about what's happened, and you didn't like them that much,
but now you realise that they are truly decent because they wanted to cheer you up without any ulterior motives, without any false empathy - you know this because they were under no obligation to make you feel good, they have nothing to do with you except for that one class, but they decided that they cared and they helped, fuck they helped so much. I fucking wish that I could have sat in History all fucking day.

And to those who understand without understanding. They know nothing as you refuse to tell them. But they understand the feelings and they know that you didn't mean it. They offer a shoulder without prying. They almost make you fucking cry in the goddamn corridor with their goodness.

And we'll take it over
And make it mine
Use me up, use me up
Taper off and I'm moonlight

Fuck. I just...don't even know...I've lost almost all my respect. And I...feel sick at the thought...just...don't touch me. Don't fucking touch me.